You get it. You get it because you're special. Actually, here are some of the crazy things only you can understand.
5. You are the Smartest Kid On Your Block
Research Scientists at the University of Faris conducted a survey on blue eyed introverted brunette youngest children in New Jersey with dogs named Oreo. The most surprising factors indicated in the survey included having a pet with a delicious sounding name. Calling out the name of something delicious provokes an automatic dopamine response in the brain leading to a more pleasureful life and overall wellbeing.
The wellbeing promotes positive social interaction, and self esteem, leading to better brain function thus a larger intelligence quotient. Also consider the ubiquitous research on success of younger siblings, the blue eye brown hair paradox, and general understanding that the largest IQ group in the nation resides in New Jersey and, yeah. You're a freakin' genius.
4. Mom Likes You The Best Because Science
Science has proved that an astonishing 80% of mothers admitted in a double blind survey that they have a preference for their youngest child. So she actually does like you best.
That's why you got a dog for your birthday and your other siblings all got those gut wrenching greeting cards with the music boxes that play the Hamster Dance on loop in inopportune times when you don't even touch the card.
The Hamster Dance
Why the heck is that song even a thing any way? The Hamster Dance was, (still is,) a website. Come to think of it, a pioneer in viral content for the first wave of Millennials. We may have evolved to memes, Snapchat, and Vine, but that card will be in Hallmark until you can drive there on a hover scooter.
3. All of the Computer Viruses on Your Windows 95 Computer Were Totally 100% Your Fault
It seems like just yesterday when a computer was actually a magical machine that created CDs of ostensibly any possible band that every existed. To you, it was a mystical responsibility. One day, you find out about Napster. Three months of busy signals later, you've acquired quite the cache: Everything from Springsteen to The Legend of Zelda 8 bit synth.
"I made you a killer mix."
Cascades of tangible free music. But there is something quite insidious brewing in the last place you'd expect. Your best friend, is now possessed by a computer virus that was attached to an MP3 of “I Want it That Way.” You were immediately accused, but having the upper hand as the household computer expert, you were able to throw some jargon into the conversation, diverting the attention to brothers and sisters who were easily manipulated because of their loose understanding of how computers work.
2. Your Sister Cheats at Nintendo
You think you're safe leaving the screen at the map. You want to assume there is a general respect propagated by a much deeper philosophical responsibility of video game ethics behind it. But basically every time you leave the room during a game of Super Mario 3, Luigi commits suicide.
(Not pictured: Nintendo)
But before he does, he gives Mario every single one of his items. But the good news is, you're actually not that bad at Nintendo. In fact, you've been playing with an impossibly high handicap since 1993, therefore you're probably one of the greatest players of all time. See for yourself; Pick up an old console sometime and give it a shot.
1. Every one of your dogs was named Oreo.
That last one wasn't even a male dog! You should probably pay more attention to detail. It's actually been a recurring theme throughout your life. First, you neglected the details on your insurance policy with led to paying double than you should have. And that's only the beginning. That small detail on our last vacation that we overlooked and the slumber party in the airport that followed. Need I say more?
